Sharing the Burden

It is a fact that many people in this world remain quiet about their problems for fear of being branded a “whiner”. The theory goes that we all have our problems and that to speak of your own makes you somehow either weaker or excessively self-absorbed. The old saying “a problem shared is a problem halved” has been replaced in many people’s lexicon with “a problem shared is a problem someone else has too now”. Many people will present a façade of friendly concern when faced with someone else’s difficulties, only to then speak about the person behind their back and criticise their lack of backbone. This attitude gets around, and results in more problems, which is why so many people decide to keep their problems to themselves.

This should not be taken as a reason to become non-communicative when it comes to your problems. Certainly, it is wise to be selective in terms of whom you tell your problems to. There will always be callous people who think that it is funny to blurt out information about an individual, and people who are willing to listen and share a joke about it. Equally, there will always be people who feel that their every concern is of interest to everyone else. Neither of these kinds of people are right. What is true is that there will always be people who are willing to listen and help. It is important not only to identify these people, but to realize that they are ready to listen, and that you can count on them as long as you do not overwhelm them.

It is never beneficial to overload someone else with your problems, and certainly it is unwise to demand solutions from other people – we human beings are complex entities, and our problems are seldom simple. But sometimes speaking about a problem can allow you to see it from a different perspective, and can initiate a process that will see you solve your problems. This may take time, but the fact of the matter is that addressing a problem is a far more proactive approach than not addressing it. Tackling the problem may not get rid of it immediately, but sitting and worrying about it certainly will not. In fact, often the longer you think about a problem, the larger you allow it to become – especially if the problem is largely in your mind.

Do not be convinced that because some people are cold-hearted enough to laugh at your problems, others will too. People in general do not like to see their friends suffer, and will go to some lengths to ensure that they can see a way through their problems. It is frequently said that what goes around comes around, and that if you help someone today, they may help you tomorrow. Being open and honest about your problems may put you in a position where, one day, you will be able to return the favour to the person who listens to you.

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Picking the Right Moment

Most, if not all of us, have agonised over decisions for far longer than is healthy at one time or another. The difficulty of leading a life of second-guessing and false starts is that it becomes hard if not impossible to move forward with any kind of momentum and confidence, against a backdrop of uncertainty. The longer it goes on, the harder it becomes to break the cycle. When something becomes habitual it becomes part of the structure of your life. This is a simple fact, and part of why addicts find it so difficult to kick the habit. They may want to consign their dependence to the past, and have long ago stopped feeling the benefit of the substance to which they were addicted, but leaving it behind means changing the structure of their lives – and that is difficult.

All of us have a certain structure to our lives. Even if the structure seems chaotic, there is generally an element of routine in it, even if that routine does not extend very far beyond getting out of bed every day. Moving away from the habits which are holding you back means making a change to that structure. Perhaps a good analogy for this would be that you are standing in a burning building. To escape you need to climb down a ladder. In the burning building, you have the temporary advantage of solid ground, but sooner or later standing there is going to cause you problems. That ladder may be unfamiliar and even a little bit unsteady, but by climbing down it you are going to improve your future prospects.

There is no shortage of people who will hesitate before stepping on to the ladder – metaphorically or literally – because there is something there to be afraid of. It doesn’t feel all that safe, and the fear of the unknown is something which affects all of us at one time or another. Making a change requires determination. It is a case of looking at the problems which stand behind and around you and seeing a way that you can say goodbye to them. They may be old and familiar problems, and stepping on to the ladder may well hold problems of its own later on, but getting on the ladder is the thing. You are putting behind you something which is definitely causing you problems, and giving yourself a chance of directly improving your situation. Future problems are to be worried about in the future.

If you are having difficulty making a necessary change because your current problems at least have the advantage of being familiar, it just takes one decisive action to consign the problems of the present to the past. It requires bravery and determination, and it will ask a lot of you, but it is better to simply make that decisive action and free yourself. Once it is done you will immediately begin to relax, and then you are in the position of being able to dictate where you go next. Rather than letting your life burn down, you can build it so as to resist future fires.

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A Job Can Negatively Affect You

Life can be frustrating, draining and annoying. For far too many of us, every day is a struggle. Getting out of bed can be as much of a struggle as any other part of the day, and this should not be the case. It isn’t how things should be, but for too many of us it is a reality that we have to come to terms with. How many of us wake up in the morning and think “I’m looking forward to this”? Far too few. And, while there is not always an instant solution to this problem, the truth of the matter is that we have choices in life – it is about finding a way to make these choices a reality. It’s not easy – nothing that is worth doing ever is, unfortunately – but the truth is that if you work at it, you can make the future a lot better than the present.

The overwhelming majority of the time, we have difficulty getting out of bed because we know that what is lying ahead is a job that has very little about it to look forward to. Some of us have great jobs, and cannot wait to go in every day. The rest of us look at them with a mix of envy, admiration and hatred. The truth is that through one thing and another we can end up working in a job for which we have no great love from school through to retirement. And it can have an effect on our health, both mentally and physically. In order to have the life we want, we need to consider a number of factors, and our job (for what it does to our minds and bodies) is certainly one of those.

There are many ways in which a job can negatively affect a person. There is the most simple of all, which is that it is boring and repetitive. Going in every day to a job which is unchanging and which offers little prospect of variety can seem like a life sentence. As melodramatic as that sounds, getting some enjoyment out of your job is the least we should expect. Simply in order to stay sane you need to be able to smile and laugh every so often. Then there are the jobs that morally compromise us. Certain sales jobs and cold-calling can really put someone in a difficult position mentally. If you know that your job is going to involve putting an unwelcome crimp in someone’s day, it can be hard to live with yourself. As much money as some of these jobs can pay, it is usually the ones getting paid least who have the most uncomfortable duties.

Changing your job is not simple. Saying goodbye to a steady living is not something many of us can afford to even consider in the current climate. If, however, you have the freedom to look for a better job while you are doing the one that is currently giving you so much heartache, it can be highly worthwhile. It is something that can even lift the drab days when you are working at the job from hell – look at it as a way out!

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Personal Development Obstacles Come From Your Own Mind

We have said a lot in the past about how personal development can be a long journey, and how the first step on that journey can be the most important one. It is completely natural to be somewhat daunted by the idea of making that step, but it really just makes it all the more worthwhile. The bad news is that even once you get going on the road to self improvement, you will still encounter difficulties. These difficulties may well lead you to question whether it is worth persisting with your personal development journey, and they must be given short shrift. It certainly is worth carrying on, you just need to find a way to make it easier.

It may be that you have skeptical people around you. This skepticism may well not be about you, or your ability. In all likelihood, if the skeptical people are friends or family, they will have plenty of faith in you. What they doubt is more likely to be the validity of your chosen method of self-improvement. They may even utter vague remarks like “You’re just fine the way you are”, in the belief that they are helping. Although we all like to hear affirmation, chances are that you’re not doing it for them. This is your own personal decision, taken for your own reasons, and what you need is encouragement. Your friends will understand and appreciate this, if they are good friends. They will make every effort to encourage you and see things from your point of view.

Occasionally, the obstacles will come from your own mind. It takes a very strong person to take a decision that they are going to change their life, and it is no admission of weakness to have doubts even once that decision has been made. When those doubts come it is a test of your resolve, and if you can face up to them it will make you all the stronger and more ready to deal with whatever life is going to throw at you. All of us have doubts at one time or another. It is in powering through these doubts that we learn more about ourselves, and grow as people.

We may also encounter unfortunate and unavoidable circumstances which make it hard to continue with our personal development. These are the only cases in which it may be advisable to step away from your plan for a time. If you fall ill, have a family crisis or lose your job – or something happens which is similar to these circumstances – then it may actually be detrimental to your self improvement to try and forge ahead regardless.

This relies on you using your own judgement and there is a very clear difference between an excuse (which sees you using a minor problem to step off when you are bored with your project) and a reason (something which clearly interferes with your plans, may well be traumatic and needs to be dealt with on its own merits). You need to give yourself the best chance of completing your project, and if this requires a temporary hiatus then that is something you should not be afraid to take.

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How To Pick Self-Help Books

A thriving industry has grown up around the practice of writing self-help books. It is not actually a new thing, either, when you think back you can all probably name a few yourself. They may be about weight loss, they may be about finding (and keeping) your perfect partner. Some are about understanding the special people in your life that bit better. What they all have in common is that they address a need within a person – a need that that person has identified and considers an immediate concern. This can be just about anything – if you have lain awake at night, or spent idle moments in the day thinking about something that makes you anxious, the chances are that it has been written about somewhere by an author looking to address the problem.

What makes a self-help book is its outlook. Generally, you will find that they speak in bracing, positive terms directly to you as an individual. This differentiates a self-help book from a more scientific textbook that may address the specific problem in dry language and enumerate possible solutions to it. A self-help book will generally favor one specific approach, and concern itself with getting you to follow that approach. There is a tendency for self-help books to be written by someone who has faced the problem themselves and wants to share how they overcame it. This fact alone will be a good way of deciding whether the self-help book is for you.

Many people feel that self-help books take a simplistic, cajoling approach that offers only platitudes and a set, unchanging solution to a problem that may be a lot more complicated. As individual human beings, we have all learned over time that something that works for a friend may not be quite as beneficial for us. The same is true about plans of action for specific problems. Though you may see on the surface that your problem is similar to that of someone else, a solution that works for them might not help you – indeed it may even exacerbate your problem.

All of the above gives the impression that self-help books are of no value, but this would be misleading. Several self-help books have had results that have been proven over time. As a rule of thumb, a book that has been around for a while will have some words of wisdom in it that never go out of date and are as true for one person as they are for the next. Using a self-help book like this is certainly unlikely to do you any harm, particularly if it comes with the blessing of someone who knows you well and is aware of your needs. However, the most important thing is to always be aware that the book will not make things great all on its own. It may give you some handy advice, but it is up to you to put that advice to work for you. As was always the case, matching words with action is the key.