Beat the Blues – With Natural Optimism

One of the most common causes of people today failing to achieve their best potential is a tendency to become depressed. With global recession, manmade and natural disasters wreaking havoc every day, and the many irritations of living your life in an increasingly complex world, no one can be blamed for occasionally heaving a sigh and wondering if things will ever improve. Fortunately, for most, something comes along to distract you from such gloomy thoughts, you get back on track, and life goes on.

For some people however, they seem to have had too many blows, too many things go wrong all at once, and they feel the classic symptoms of depression – locked in a place that they feel will never improve, they feel worthless, hopeless, guilty and sometimes angry at the situation they have got themselves into.

Perhaps everyone has had this type of feeling on occasion, but most will somehow pull through, and find for themselves, in the midst of the gloom, something positive and useful to do.

It is this ability to find the worth in a negative situation, and to be able to turn a bad experience into something from which you can learn and grow that will separate the world’s survivors, from those who will simply become depressed and go down in the undertow. 

People have different ideas about what is depressing and what might be a disaster for one person might be easily managed by another. That in itself gives a clue to the fact that all experience of depression is in fact subjective – there are no universal events or factors which will give you depression – only your attitude to them. Even events such as bereavements, job losses, loss of your home, major injury or illness do not need to cause you to have depression. You might have grief, and anger or pain, but you will find that depression is not the same as these most natural emotions, depression happens when you get stuck in a place where how you want things to be, simply is not going to happen.

People such as sportsmen, entertainers, salespeople or anyone who is focused on a goal, will often feel depressed if the goal cannot for one reason or another be achieved. If that failure continues to be the only focus of a person’s life, then they will continue to feel a failure and depressed. When a person meets with a failure, in order not to become depressed, they need to move on from the moment, and look for what they can do next. It has been said that it is not how many times a man is knocked down that forms his character – but how many times he gets up. That is the key to beating depression – no matter how low you feel, reach out to others, take what help you can get, realize that life is not about what happens to you, but how you deal with it, and you will start to get your life back on track.

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I will be participating at The December 2009 Toronto Small Press Book Fair. For more details, visit this link –

MEET CANADA’S PERSONAL FINANCE AUTHOR A. DAWN AT THE GLADSTONE HOTEL

Hope to see you all.

 

 

 

 

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Learn To Accept Change

It may not be very easy to exactly pin point where personal development would begin or end. But we could comfortably say that anything that involves an aspect that could lead to your own individual transformation can get included in personal development. This all revolves around a resolution that one makes to try and become a better person than they were yesterday. When we get to look inwards, we try and improve the person that we discover, as opposed to when we try and compete with another individual. Personal development is all about you against any form of mediocrity you find in you and would like to see an improvement.

Those who have undergone any form of personal development training realize the importance of beginning by writing down all that you are and what you intend to do about it. It does not have to be anything complex. The simpler it is the easier it becomes to relate with it and accomplish. When you put things down in pen and paper it helps your mind to actually clarify them to make them realties. And since this kind of plan is personal, it should not appear as if it is cast in concrete, so there should be freedom and flexibility as and when circumstances allow.

The good news about a successful self development plan is that you can actually begin today or as soon as you finish reading this article, and it really may not matter how fast or how far you go. You can take your baby steps by building on what you learn on the first day you decide to do something about yourself. You need to learn how to make your agenda into a goal that can be broken down into small achievable steps. The advantage of doing this is that when you achieve one small feat, you have the incentive and motivation to move on to another one with the knowledge that you can actually make because you will have results on your side.

As a good student in the self development school you can save yourself a lot of valuable time and energy learning from the examples and experiences of other people. If people have made mistakes from particular choices you can get to avoid such because experience may never be the best of teacher. Someone said if you let experience be your only teacher, time will teach you the bitterly cold truth, but will take your youth in exchange. One of the easiest ways to learn from other people is by reading self development books and picking all the golden nuggets you find in there to make them your own.

If there is one thing that you must realize and take real note of, is that the only consistent thing on earth is change. Learn to accept the fact that change is inevitable and you will be best placed to survive if you can anticipate change and be able to adapt to it as soon as you realize it is there to stay. People all through history have had to change their belief systems and their ideas about many things and systems. You can imagine that if it were not for change, all the development you see today would simply be in the minds of people

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Many of Us Would Argue Not

Much of human behaviour in this world is predicated on one of the maxims we all know: “You reap what you sow”. This is a saying which drives many people’s consciences and troubles others only after they have “sowed” whatever they suspect will eventually come to be their comeuppance. To many it is a rule to live by, to others a meaningless piece of cod philosophy that simply guilt-trips those who are naïve enough to believe it. Is a maxim of any value if only half of the world seems to believe it? Or should we all look out for number one and happily allow other people to take what life throws at them – potentially as a consequence of our actions?

Karma is an interesting thing. We can probably all think of at least one individual who has, as a result of at best questionable actions, risen to a position of privilege on one level or another. They may head up a major corporation and be able to write their own pay checks as they see fit. They may be extremely sought-after romantically. One way or another, there are people benefiting from not following the standard rules of morality. Do they reap what they sow? Many of us would argue not.

It hardly sets a good example. We will, if we have a commitment to bringing the best out of those we influence, try to promote a message of good actions bringing forth good rewards. Then we let our protégé see a world where people who lie, cheat and bend the rules non-stop are rewarded with money, prestige and often influence. How can they possibly marry the advice we give with the picture they see? The only conclusion they can have is that some people are not living by the rules.

How do we then make a lesson from that, for ourselves and for others? How do we say that the people who ignore the rules of common decency are not a model to be followed? It is a very difficult question to answer, and one which gives parents, teachers and other concerned individuals a few sleepless nights. If we have a belief in an afterlife, we can say that these people will eventually pay for their sins – but we cannot see the afterlife and we cannot see that they are going to be any more troubled then than now.

Therefore, it really comes down to a message that is perhaps more complicated than “we reap what we sow”. We should behave decently to other people because there is much more chance that people will remember what we did wrong than what we did right. We should behave decently to others because, if we have a conscience, eventually a transgression will turn into a sleepless night. But more than this, we should behave decently to others because it is the right way to behave, and in the end we have to face the world with confidence that we did the right thing – even when evidence suggested that the wrong thing may have had greater material benefit to us.

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Sharing the Burden

It is a fact that many people in this world remain quiet about their problems for fear of being branded a “whiner”. The theory goes that we all have our problems and that to speak of your own makes you somehow either weaker or excessively self-absorbed. The old saying “a problem shared is a problem halved” has been replaced in many people’s lexicon with “a problem shared is a problem someone else has too now”. Many people will present a façade of friendly concern when faced with someone else’s difficulties, only to then speak about the person behind their back and criticise their lack of backbone. This attitude gets around, and results in more problems, which is why so many people decide to keep their problems to themselves.

This should not be taken as a reason to become non-communicative when it comes to your problems. Certainly, it is wise to be selective in terms of whom you tell your problems to. There will always be callous people who think that it is funny to blurt out information about an individual, and people who are willing to listen and share a joke about it. Equally, there will always be people who feel that their every concern is of interest to everyone else. Neither of these kinds of people are right. What is true is that there will always be people who are willing to listen and help. It is important not only to identify these people, but to realize that they are ready to listen, and that you can count on them as long as you do not overwhelm them.

It is never beneficial to overload someone else with your problems, and certainly it is unwise to demand solutions from other people – we human beings are complex entities, and our problems are seldom simple. But sometimes speaking about a problem can allow you to see it from a different perspective, and can initiate a process that will see you solve your problems. This may take time, but the fact of the matter is that addressing a problem is a far more proactive approach than not addressing it. Tackling the problem may not get rid of it immediately, but sitting and worrying about it certainly will not. In fact, often the longer you think about a problem, the larger you allow it to become – especially if the problem is largely in your mind.

Do not be convinced that because some people are cold-hearted enough to laugh at your problems, others will too. People in general do not like to see their friends suffer, and will go to some lengths to ensure that they can see a way through their problems. It is frequently said that what goes around comes around, and that if you help someone today, they may help you tomorrow. Being open and honest about your problems may put you in a position where, one day, you will be able to return the favour to the person who listens to you.

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Feeling Under The Weather? Don’t Ignore It

There are many of us who feel at one time or another that we are below-par, health wise. Some people will go rushing to the doctor the first time they feel even slightly less healthy than usual, and others who will refrain from seeking any kind of medical help until such time as they are simply incapable of functioning. Neither of these states of being are desirable, as in the first case we are unable to function from day to day without constant reinforcement of our state of physical health and in the second we put our very health at risk through stubbornness or fear.

As with most issues, the right answer is somewhere in the middle. We will all, from time to time, be subject to health problems. When these problems strike, they may come in physical or mental form, and both types are worth equal attention. There has been a tendency in the past to assume that just because mental health is somehow “invisible”, any problems that arise with it are less valid than problems with physical health. This impression goes back a long way, and although it is less prevalent today than it has been it still remains for some people.

The key with health problems, whether they be physical or mental, is to take them seriously while not making a mountain out of a molehill. If you have a slight cold, then the doctor does not need to know about it unless you are specifically prone to aggravation from such symptoms. If, however, you are in such pain that it restricts you from going about your daily business, it is important to get to the point as quickly as possible. Early intervention in medical terms can be the difference between it becoming serious and such a state of affairs being averted.

With mental health problems, doctors and psychiatrists recommend a two-week rule being applied. If you find that you have been suffering anxiety or low mood for nearly a fortnight, then it is justifiable to assume that it is more than simply a standard case of “the blues”. Whether it is something that needs to be approached with counselling, something that would benefit from medication or something else, it is important to treat mental health issues seriously. Without such treatment, mental illness can take a very firm hold of a sufferer and make their life very difficult indeed.

If you go to the doctor with every little thing that crops up, then before too long you will gain an unspoken reputation as a hypochondriac. Even if this does not ever become an openly accepted situation, it can subliminally play on a doctor’s mind when they are treating you. Although doctors are trained to, and will, treat every case on its merits, the urgency with which they treat any serious case may not be as present if you are of a mind to seek help for minor issues which could be solved with a trip to the pharmacy. However, if it is a true problem it needs to be addressed with haste. Do not just “soldier on” if you find that your life is being made more difficult by a health issue.

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Work Should Not Be Your Reason For Living

We all have to work hard at times, in order to meet deadlines or to get something done ahead of time so that we can take the holiday we promised ourselves. For one reason or another, it is simply a fact that it can benefit us to really throw ourselves at work at one time or another. What should be avoided, though, is a tendency to treat work as though it is the goal in itself. Too many people in this day and age approach their work as though it is their reason for living, and it ends up just being something that makes them ill – or worse. Yes, there are times when we have to work hard, but the reasons why we do this need to be the right ones.

If you bury yourself in your work, you could find that one day your work buries you. It has been shown that stress has been a major contributor to a lot of conditions that can be at best very detrimental to one’s health and in many cases fatal. If your job is one that features a lot of competition, tough negotiating and long hours, then the real risk is that you could be pushing yourself towards a heart attack or a nervous breakdown. There are other stress-related conditions too, and it is not only weak people who fall victim to them. You can be as competitive and as go-getting as you like, but when your heart tells you that you have to stop, you have no option but to obey it.

It is unfortunate that so many people find themselves in a position where they simply cannot take a break from their work. It may be that their home situation dictates that they make a certain amount of money every week, and that they would be in a worse position if they worked fewer hours. Even in a situation such as this, it is infinitely preferable to look for other solutions to such a problem. Your health is no respecter of reasons, and it will not listen to words and phrases like “eviction” or “loan repayment”. If you can negotiate a way of keeping out of trouble while working normal hours, then you should.

Too many people work too long and too hard out of a misguided impression that they need to be a hero. It is essential that we recognise that sometimes the bravest thing is to admit we need a break. It is not for nothing that the term “workaholic” was invented. Some people are convinced that they need to be working and that they are useless if they aren’t. A good work ethic is certainly admirable, but a good work ethic is not always to work harder and harder until you cannot push yourself any more. Learning to work smart instead of working hard can benefit your health and allow you to appreciate life more. Let the other people race against themselves to prove whatever they have to prove – you have other things that need your attention too.

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Picking the Right Moment

Most, if not all of us, have agonised over decisions for far longer than is healthy at one time or another. The difficulty of leading a life of second-guessing and false starts is that it becomes hard if not impossible to move forward with any kind of momentum and confidence, against a backdrop of uncertainty. The longer it goes on, the harder it becomes to break the cycle. When something becomes habitual it becomes part of the structure of your life. This is a simple fact, and part of why addicts find it so difficult to kick the habit. They may want to consign their dependence to the past, and have long ago stopped feeling the benefit of the substance to which they were addicted, but leaving it behind means changing the structure of their lives – and that is difficult.

All of us have a certain structure to our lives. Even if the structure seems chaotic, there is generally an element of routine in it, even if that routine does not extend very far beyond getting out of bed every day. Moving away from the habits which are holding you back means making a change to that structure. Perhaps a good analogy for this would be that you are standing in a burning building. To escape you need to climb down a ladder. In the burning building, you have the temporary advantage of solid ground, but sooner or later standing there is going to cause you problems. That ladder may be unfamiliar and even a little bit unsteady, but by climbing down it you are going to improve your future prospects.

There is no shortage of people who will hesitate before stepping on to the ladder – metaphorically or literally – because there is something there to be afraid of. It doesn’t feel all that safe, and the fear of the unknown is something which affects all of us at one time or another. Making a change requires determination. It is a case of looking at the problems which stand behind and around you and seeing a way that you can say goodbye to them. They may be old and familiar problems, and stepping on to the ladder may well hold problems of its own later on, but getting on the ladder is the thing. You are putting behind you something which is definitely causing you problems, and giving yourself a chance of directly improving your situation. Future problems are to be worried about in the future.

If you are having difficulty making a necessary change because your current problems at least have the advantage of being familiar, it just takes one decisive action to consign the problems of the present to the past. It requires bravery and determination, and it will ask a lot of you, but it is better to simply make that decisive action and free yourself. Once it is done you will immediately begin to relax, and then you are in the position of being able to dictate where you go next. Rather than letting your life burn down, you can build it so as to resist future fires.

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Why You Should Blog

A decade ago, had you mentioned a “blog” to just about anyone, they would have looked at you as though they thought you had gone mad. Even today there are many who don’t even know what a blog is, but their numbers are growing ever smaller compared to those who not only know, but blog enthusiastically themselves. In fact, the word blog has become more and more frequently used both as a verb and a noun. “I blogged about this” or “I wrote about it on my blog” are sentences that are technically possible, if a little self-involved. There is a persistent strain of opinion which holds that blogging is the preserve of the self-obsessed and conceited, but this is to do a tremendous disservice to the medium and many of its practitioners.

There are many different ways one can approach a personal blog. Some find that it is a good place to vent about things that have upset them, while simultaneously a good way of communicating positive feelings. Others may get creative with their blog and build up something of a character around it. Some of the most popular blogs are read by millions worldwide, considered by many to be better than a soap opera due to the interactivity that a good blog can have. Others just enjoy putting up opinions and observations, either inviting or at least not discouraging feedback. If all of this sounds a bit like a glorified diary, you’re close, but not quite there. A diary is, after all, intended to be extremely personal while a blog is very much shaped by its potential for wider readership.

So far we have seen blogs turned into books, films and TV shows, and we have further to that seen the medium itself take several different shapes. “Vlogging” is now an entity in itself, differing from blogging in that practitioners do not so much write about their subjects as speak directly to camera and post the video content on a blog, or on the popular video hosting site YouTube. Everyone with a webcam and a microphone, or with a modern cell phone, can now be the star of their own video show. This medium has the further advantage above blogging of being more demonstrative. Words typed sarcastically on a blog can become damaging by virtue of the fact that typing has no inflection. When vlogged, they are better understood.

Of course, you don’t need to make your blog public. It can be as private or as open as you wish, and you can ring-fence it for only your friends to see. Top bloggers have made careers in the wider media, too, so if you have a gift for the written word it can be advantageous to let your opinions be read by an audience. You may simply want an easily archived journal of your thoughts. The only limits are those which you choose to place yourself – which in itself is good practice. It is generally better to keep some things for your eyes only.

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Take Inspiration and Motivate Yourself

There are times when it can be difficult to motivate yourself to do pretty much anything. These times can spring from anything from tiredness to fear, and there are certainly cases where the reluctance to act can be caused by a medical condition, but what it boils down to is that a reluctance to act, which can be extensively damaging, is often the product of a combination of matters and can be hard to overcome. In these situations you need to look at the problem head-on and say “I’m not going to be broken down by this – I’m going to break it down”. Although this is generally easier said than done, managing it brings many rewards.

The ability to stick at things even when it seems difficult or pointless is something prized highly by bosses. It wouldn’t be fair to say that apathy is endemic in society, but it is troubling to see talented people laid low by a lack of confidence, especially when that lack is brought on by what amounts to an arbitrary failure. Say, for example, that a person has competed in a talent contest or an open training session for a sports team. In such cases, talent is very much in the eye of the beholder. Coaches and record execs have often made the decision to plump for one of two people based on a very subjective selection criteria. The people who have been passed over may have gone on to assume that they would never succeed, but that is not always the case.

Witness the NFL. Every year teams draft players to feature in the playing squads that will take them through a season, and they have their selection criteria set ahead of time. It is universally accepted that guys selected in the first round of seven are expected to succeed, those selected in the second and third rounds are hopefuls, and below that you may have a 50/50 chance of making it if you put everything into the game. In 2000, Tom Brady was selected in the sixth round by the New England Patriots. Nine years later he has won three Superbowls, being voted Most Valuable Player in two of them. 2000 was widely viewed pre-Draft as a thin year for quarterbacks, and five were selected before Brady. The truth is that sometimes people don’t realize what they have passed up.

There are stories like this in all categories, and every time it is the story of the individual who was passed over for an arguably less talented person because it’s just this simple – opinions differ. If you let one person’s evaluation of you be the one that sticks, and it’s a negative opinion, then you don’t give anyone else the encouragement that might be the difference between choosing you and passing you over. Keep in mind that sometimes people need to keep trying in order to succeed – take inspiration from one of the many who may not have got there first, but have stayed there longer than those who did.

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